lördag 24 maj 2014

Hometown glory

I haven't lived with my mom and sister for more than 2 years now and can't quite imagine living with them again. It's not because I don't love them or miss them every day I'm away from them but.. I don't know if it's a part of growing up and being an adult that happens or if it's just something wrong with me but I just can't go back.
I've had so many bad memories from my hometown. So few really good memories stayed with me when I finally left, but once in awhile I do come back to see my family and today when I went shopping and on my way back I could feel the fresh air of summer breeze coming towards me and I just don't feel that amazing feeling of freedom anywhere ells but home. No matter how far away I run to I will always call my hometown my 'home'.
My mother is leaving for Afghanistan soon and I'm really worried, naturally. I truly hope she'll be fine. So many people say they love their parents. Of course you love you're parents, but I can feel that my love for my mother is quite a different kind of love, the deeper kinda love. She has gone through literally hell for me and my siblings. So much beating, so much harassment and pain, not to mention suffering she's been going through. I could never, ever repay that dept.
I see so many kids growing up in a good home, with a healthy, still environment. With so little complainment, so little issues. Not knowing how much a person on the other side of the city, country, world is suffering, with actual, real problems. So many people don't want to see because they can't imagine that sort of pain or suffering. They don't know anything ells, but what they have or feel in their life.
One day I might come back to my hometown and live here with my family, but for now I'm just not ready. I haven't overcome my fear of the past. That fear of my past keeps haunting me, on my daily routines and dreams. Making me have anxiety beyond reconing. One day I'll overcome my fears and come back to my hometown glory.

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